You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
