i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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