I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I forgot wine drunk hurts
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
