chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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