jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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