You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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