I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
