Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
