Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
