You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
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You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
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Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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