is your mom at the bar?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
