Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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