I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
