even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
