the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
