Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
