he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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