I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
