I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
