pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
