Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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