party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I need water and some morals
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
