We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
