It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
