in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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