So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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