How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize