You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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