I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
