haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
