glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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