If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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