did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
