Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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