Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
