Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
