"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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