operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
