i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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