his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
