Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
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He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize