Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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