My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
