My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
