He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
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Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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