So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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