You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
