There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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