she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
