one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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