i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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