I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
