His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
