it wasn't lemon gatorade
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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