he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
