so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
