yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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