First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
