We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
