I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
