Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
