How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
