I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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