That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
