I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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