Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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