so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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