You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
