I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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