apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
