Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
