I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
