were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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