We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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