Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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