WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
