I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Congratulations! We have a period
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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