but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
