he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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